This is what happened.
One cheery, cloud-free day at our beach house I felled a small alder tree that had grown up on the border of our driveway and the neighbor’s driveway. The topmost portion of the tree, only the thin and frail branches, fell across a small patch of Fireweed growing along the neighbor’s driveway. Yes, I agree Fireweed are pretty, and yes, technically, the tree fell on their property; and yes, it did flatten but did not break — I verified this later — said Fireweed plants. Mea culpa. Now, it just so happened the neighbor was outside at the time and witnessed this. Well, she came at me like a Comanche warrior, and laid into me like I had just been arrested for kidnapping her daughter, throwing her down a deep well, and dancing about wildly dressed in women’s clothes threatening to kill her.
I just stood there, nonplussed, taking the brunt of her verbal assault.
When finally I recovered I said something to her, that her husband had previously given me permission to fell the tree, causing her to turn and snap at me like a wounded animal. I don’t recall what she said. Then she stomped off.
Slowly I dragged the tree onto our property. It wasn’t a large tree, maybe five inches in diameter, but it was partly occluding our peekaboo view of Resurrection Bay to the south. And now it isn’t!
Happy Wife was nearby and heard this go down. We both later agreed it would have been an ideal time to bark back at her, to point out the insult in our backyard, that ton or more of excess stone and gravel that a contractor under their hire had carelessly pushed onto our property, crushing what I’m sure were dozens of innocent Fireweed plants which will never again see the light of day.
But we didn’t. Because that’s not the way we roll. Generally speaking.
Resisting the temptation to escalate a war can make one feel magnanimous, but at the same time a willing victim as well. We resolved that we wouldn’t say another word about it, unless we hear her bring it up again. In that event, I dream of thrusting a spade in her face and demanding she remove the insult from our property, one toiling shovel full at a time, while Happy Wife and I look on from the comfort of our hot tub, sipping wine and giggling lightly as she struggles. </dream>.